Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I walk a lonely road

When I first heard the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, I thought I should write to Greenday for a royalty. I had written that song when was 19. Years later, they released the song in a different country under a different name (mine was called Avenue for devastated thoughts). But I got busy with other things and never quite wrote to them. Moreover, I liked their version better.

Loneliness has been an integral part of my life, among other things. It was my Hobbes. NO, I am not trying to paint a gloomy picture of a recluse with no friends. I had friends. They called us groupies, I didn’t like the name. I liked calling us friends. We were just there to cheer the band on and go back to watch “Trainspotting”. But they never figured that out. I was thought of being odd and cavalier. This was true. Not the odd bit, but maybe sometimes offhand. But hey, I was a kid and Trainspotting was a good movie.

Then I grew up, became a GOOD girl. I did the right things. I started being industrious and righteous in a secret hope that the karmic accountant relieves me of the seclusion. I stopped being vain, stopped being a dump, stopped everything that made me a me. All in the hope that someday the laughter I sported in the congregations will invite itself when I sit alone next to the wall. I hoped. I am still hoping. It has been years and I still am waiting to see if the hope materializes.

Till then I'll walk away.


SmartOxymoron said...

Hey, Im asking for royalty. Ive been thinking about the same thing for the last week and was thinking of posting... but somehow, your stole my thoughts.(How?)
Ive been thinking about this and I think its up to us to stop holding up that wall and walking up and into the spotlight, do the jig and enjoy the party. Needs more thinking.

"Just as soon as I belong and then its time I disappear.." - I disappear, Metallica

P.S.CounterStrike is in no way jaded. Its the 'standard'.

Sinfully Pinstripe said...

"All in the hope that someday the laughter I sported in the congregations will invite itself when I sit alone next to the wall", wish you well, woman. Maybe you will get there someday.

While I am searching through the carousels and the carnival arcades, searching everywhere, through steeplechase and palisades, through any shooting galleries where promises are made,.... to just get those moments back when quiet and silence was what I was. Selling one's soul off to hedonistic pleasures takes away a lot from oneself. But all the while one is equated against that hidden parameter somewhere. And you compromise.
I had to do the exact reverse of yours, and it does feel no different. But that's life I guess.

Thetis said...

SOxy: Is too!

SP (can i call you that?): Yeah.. that's life.

A Hairy Snail said...

not as bad as proclaimed. naish.