When I first heard the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, I thought I should write to Greenday for a royalty. I had written that song when was 19. Years later, they released the song in a different country under a different name (mine was called Avenue for devastated thoughts). But I got busy with other things and never quite wrote to them. Moreover, I liked their version better.
Loneliness has been an integral part of my life, among other things. It was my Hobbes. NO, I am not trying to paint a gloomy picture of a recluse with no friends. I had friends. They called us groupies, I didn’t like the name. I liked calling us friends. We were just there to cheer the band on and go back to watch “Trainspotting”. But they never figured that out. I was thought of being odd and cavalier. This was true. Not the odd bit, but maybe sometimes offhand. But hey, I was a kid and Trainspotting was a good movie.
Then I grew up, became a GOOD girl. I did the right things. I started being industrious and righteous in a secret hope that the karmic accountant relieves me of the seclusion. I stopped being vain, stopped being a dump, stopped everything that made me a me. All in the hope that someday the laughter I sported in the congregations will invite itself when I sit alone next to the wall. I hoped. I am still hoping. It has been years and I still am waiting to see if the hope materializes.
Till then I'll walk away.